two years

Its been almost two years now. Two years I've spent with you, celebrating birthdays, going on dates, going to movies, taking naps, brushing teeth, shaving beards, waxing eyebrows, waxing armpits. You have put up with me and my shenanigans. And my family's shenanigans. And my friends shenanigans. You have been my constant. my ocean. Your family has welcomed me as if I were one of theirs. You've seen me angry and sad and happy and you've seen all of my personalities. I would say you've seen me grumpy most of the time these past few months. But even in my grumpy days, you still push forward, you will never let me go. And I promise to never leave.
I see so many people fall apart, and so many relationships fall apart, and I know that I never want to be that kind of couple. The kind that goes back and forth, or the kind that lies, or the kind that just isn't happy. But we are happy. I honestly think we are like the movies. We are a happy ending.
"boyfriend" is just to stereotype, and cliche. You are my partner, partner in crime, my team mate, my best friend, my love, my to-be whatever you want to call it. When I introduce you as my boyfriend, I hope people don't assume that we are just another teenage couple too young to understand what goes with a relationship. Tell me that almost two years is nothing for a relationship. Tell me I am too young.

I'm Not Finished Yet

In this early morning, I read a letter. A turning leaf; a changing sky.
Don't give up yet my love. There's still time. There's still years that are yet to pass. There are still people you have yet to meet. There are still places you have yet to travel. Whether it is traveling back to, or adventuring a place anew. You aren't finished yet. You have years to learn. Years to grow. Years to become a wise old soul. You aren't finished yet. And I'm not finished yet. We are unfinished. Undone. Water, uncharted. Don't lose sight of who you are, and don't focus on things that you don't need to worry about (e.g. boys boys boys) Because you will only find yourself in a world of pain and hurt and loss. Don't make it so hard on yourself. You have the whole rest of your life to find someone. trust me. I'm not finished yet. but its all the little things in the world that count.
You just have to find the right river that leads to the ocean.

Guess What's Next?

By the age of 16, 80% of people have already met who they are going to marry.

I am apart of this statistic. I have met him. I've got my guy. The guy on the white horse with the blonde hair and the blue eyes. I've got him. I've dated him so hard that I'm gonna marry the shit out of him. The guy with all the right attitudes. The one who tells me I'm beautiful when I stink like shit and have greasy hair. The one who tells me I'm right even when I'm wrong. The guy who lets me scream and kick and cry and whine all I want. He's the one who's always on my side.
He may not know it as much as I know it, but I'm out to get him. Just as much as he's out to get me. I want his name. I want his clothes scattered in our room. I want to wake up to his sleepy eyes and smelly breath. I want him to take me out. I want to be broke as a joke with him. And I wanna be rich as a bitch with him. I want to be happy, sad, angry, joyful, excited, mad, stupid in love with this boy. Call me selfish all you want. Call me sleazy, skanky, bitchy slutty. I don't care. He's my best friend I can tell secrets to. He's my best friend and my lover. and that is exactly what I need. I can confide in him. and run to him. and he'll take care of all my problems.
He's my superman. He makes me smile. when I'm angry. He forgives me. He supports me in all my decisions. Even if they aren't the smartest decisions. He knows me.

He just knows me. Plain and simple.

And that is that. That is the comma. Chapter 2. The story isn't over yet.

It's only just the beginning.

I've got my guy. Guess what's next? :)

Let me back in

I miss you. I would tell myself. The little things, they would remind me of the days and hours we would spend together. Whether it was laying on my pool deck tanning till we got really hot and jumped in the pool. To those cold winter days when we would sit on my bed talking till there was nothing to talk about except just us. The days we would spend passing letters to each other between classes. All of that was lost when I said those words, in fine bold print that slipped out from my lips.

Now, 8 months later, here we are, you with forgiveness, me with apologies flowing from my mouth. Here we are. Sewing. Mending. using Band-Aids and crutches to pick ourselves back up. So here we are. and after everyday that I was sorry not only to you but sorry for my self. My pathetic actions that took me on a long road of recovery. 

We may not be friends like we once were, We'll be stronger. 

Here's to you, my lady love, my girl-bromance, my best friend, my sister.

Heres to the beautiful person i knew and know again.

I love you.

I'll see you in my dreams

The Hours. The Days. The Months. They pass and fall like leaves. Falling between us, as our separation grows deeper. Till it sinks down to the core. And I watch you from far away. Watching you, happy. Good. I'm glad. What I would give to laugh with you again. What I would do to be able to talk to you.. You were the only one I could tell every thought that passed over. Now I just whisper it to you in my dreams. Where you'll stay forever. because my dreams are a much nicer place than where we stand now.
So for now,

I'll see you in my dreams

Hair.

"Fashion is our passion,
Science is our strength."

People think we are girls and boys who are bubblegum bimbos who just fiddle with hair and gossip in the salon. No. It takes so much to get where we are. It takes more than just a couple fash. sess. (Fashion sessions) to get where we are. It takes a few years to learn so much and grow and learn. It's more than just the hair and the nails. It's the anatomy, the skill, the talent. someone may have the talent but not the true depth in every trick of the trade. Excuse me, person who cuts her friends hair in the bathroom, can you name every disease of the skin? Excuse me, person who cuts there children's hair in the kitchen, do you take the time to set up an entire SMA? Do you even know what a SMA is?
No.
Yes, your haircut may be free, but no you are not receiving the professional hair care you should be if they shampoo and condition your hair with Pantene. Just take a twenty and go to Hair Masters, at least they know what they are doing.
We are people of education. We know the job, we know what to do, and we'll work with you and your hair to make it look awesomely amazing.

We have the fashion for passion.
And we know the science of our passion.

You Found Me

Charming, he was. Foolish, was I. He'd push me down and I would laugh thinking nothing of it. He was standing there laughing at me the whole time, I was young, naive.

Then there you were, while I was running back, you kept pulling me closer and closer to you. Then finally the only thing I was running from was him, into your arms. You caught me, you held me until the tears washed away, and the winds slowed down to a breeze, and the sand sunk me deep into your warmth. Your voice a beacon in the storm.

You Found Me. When I was trying to find my way out of the thrashing waves that were drowning me. You Found Me. While I was trying to run and hide.

Now I search for you, knowing my heavy heart would be found. Knowing you would find it and hold it till the very day it slowed and simmered to a steady line. And beyond that you would forever hold my heart, and forever hold me. Even running away would never do me good, you'd just find me and calm me. Although I could never run.

Not after all you have done for me.

When I'm angry you shower me with kindness and kisses. When I'm sad you hold me in your arms and just listen to me. When I'm anything at all you take care of me. You melt me away till I'm nothing but a flame and fire that can never be blown out.
Every atom of my heart is loving you right now.

You've ruined me for any other person. I'm forever yours.
You have no idea how fast my heart races when I see you.

Because You Found Me.

I Still Believe In Your Friendship

In your letters. In your fresh smile. In your laughs. Most of all,


I still believe in your Friendship.

I Love you with my bones.

      We were laying on the couch watching television. He rest his arm over my should and his hand lay gently on my shoulder while I rested my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, trying to ignore the noise of the television in the background. I looked up at him at his eyes as he watched intently at whatever was on TV. He noticed me and my heart began to race as his eyes met mine.
     "What are you thinking about?" I asked him.
     "Nothing really, baby." I figured half as much. He wouldn't admit it now but I know he thinks about me as often as I think about him.
     "Why do you love me?" I questioned soon after.
     "What kind of silly question is that baby? What is there not to love about you? You are so beautiful and adorable, with the most beautiful smile and the deepest, darkest, brownest, most beautiful eyes I have ever seen." His reply causing me to blush lightly. "It's true baby. I Love you with every bone in my body and every cell in my skin. My Love is true for you." I hold him tighter in my arms. Not wanting to let go of this moment, I hold on wanting to stay in his arms forever. Willing with all of my strength to never let him go. I'll never let him go. They can try to tear us apart. No. Nothing can tear us apart. No one can tear love apart.

I Love you A.

91. This ones for you...

post #91:

This is the countdown, and here i begin.

91 goes out to my best. The ones who keep me laughing and smiling. The ones I can just look at and laugh and cry and smile. The ones who encourage me and support me.

This one is for Natalie Ann Buller. You've been here forever. You've seen me go through my stages. You've seen me cry and laugh and love. You've inspired me in more ways than one. And you've been beautiful. You never cease to amaze me. even though you've moved away and we only stay in contact through text or fb. I love you girl.

This one is for Adam William Dean Morse. When we first met, I never expected anything of it. You used to always be a passing glance or a slight hello. The more I came to know you, the more I fell in love with your nerdy little self. And the way you made me laugh. no one can make me laugh like you. or smile so big the moment I see you. You'll always be in my <3 Thank you for being there, when I cry, when I laugh. when I'm angry or upset. I Love you Adam. <3

This one is for Tonysha Cherie Hadden. I've never had a bad time with you. and you manage to make me smile on the worst days. I know I can confide in you. and tell you everything. you're the most honest and true person I know. I Love how we have a girl-mance. ;) if I were a guy........I can't even imagine life without you because you are my sunshine. :) I love you babe.

This one is for Amanda Elizabeth Walker. We've been through thick and thin. I love how we can have a huge fight and not talk for two weeks straight and then not even remember what we were fighting for. I can tell you my hopes my dreams my life. I always want to be the person here for you to talk to. We have our agreements and disagreements but thats what I love about you. You are you. I love you like mad.

This one is for Bethany Claire Johnson. My sister. My heart. The thought of you not being in my life brings me to tears just thinking about it. And the thought of you being in my life brings me to tears of happiness. I'm so lucky to have you as a sister. You are adventurous like me. I learned it from you. You are beautiful and don't seem to realize that so many guys want to jump up on that. You've been so protective of me and I of you. and I've never been so proud of you. You claim to be jealous of me. When in reality I envy you so much because I look up to you and you're gorgeous and friendly. I love how we act like kids and giggle when dad gets mad and tells us to shutup. :) I love you forever sis. no matter what. <3

This one is for Allis. My other sis. I love how we can giggle and talk about dramarama! and talk about the future and the past. and laugh about it. I remember when every night before we went to bed we would read Calvin and Hobbes. I always get so excited to see you. you're amazing. and awesome to hang with. I love you sis. :)

This one is for Athena Amoruso. You're so beautiful and amazing big sis!! I'll always miss you're beautiful face and sexy body around ;) I love you so much. and you are the one who has inspired me to pursue cosmetology. Hopefully we can open a salon together it would be a blessing. I love you. <3

This one is for Josh Gonsalez. I truly met you sophomore year. I'd like to think we hit it off instantaneously. You got class and swagg and I love the way you talk. "We always mob to school but today we were cruisin'" You're a smart kid. and You got style. You're such a romantic. maybe we'll be in law siblings someday? jkjk but seriously you're the best. Love ya bro.

This one is for the unmentionables. We used to be the three amigos or something like that. you guys were my closest and I wish people including myself didn't make mistakes like the one I made. I still love ya. and I still miss you.

This one is for my guy friends. The advice was great MK. Justin Jones, You're a handful. Ryan. you make me laugh so hard. Joe. you used to be grumpy. JF. I had a fat crush on you freshman year. but we tight now. JM. You can be sucha dick. but so awesome all in the same. And all the rest of you. you aren't a girl. And you don't start drama. love you guys!

This one is for my parents. You guys are the craziest people I know. Especially you Mom. And dad, you've always lifted me up and made me strong. All those nights you would be gone fighting fires, I was so proud. and You are my true hero. Mom. We've butted heads so many times and never really got along. but we still seem to get by. I know it's hard for me to express how I feel because I have such a hard heart that I've built up so strong to protect myself. I think because you guys taught me to be protective over my mind and body. You guys are great when you aren't grumpy. ily.

This one goes to the rest of you. You guys are the ones who are real and alive. You guys are the ones that are happy. and sad. And fun. And annoying. You guys give me excitement. And I couldn't ask for anything more. I love you.

I love all of you with all of my heart.

Last but not least. this is to all you bitches and skanks that made me stronger. specifically you. the one who I thought was going to be real with me. but ended up dropping me like garbage. As well as you. who lied and and cheated and faked. You broke her heart and now I'm gonna break your balls. If I ever see you around don't be surprised if I you feel a kick to the nads. And you. You who didn't hire me even though I am a diligent worker and have awesome work ethic. And you who broke my heart. you douche. and to few of my teachers. no one can stress me out more than you do.


You guys suck.

90

This is the ninetieth post. :) the countdown begins.

I keep coming back to you

you're everywhere. traces of you in my bedroom. I don't even know why I did it. or how I could even let those words slip from my lips and fall to the floor.

But I keep coming back to you.

Its the fact that you still make me giggle and smile. our memory stays strong and heavy in my heart.

I keep coming back, because I love you.

This.

Today, I have nothing to say.

My Reply.

Dear friend-who-shall-remain-nameless,


      I read. and you're right. I don't understand. I don't know what you went through. But i try to understand.  I want to. I want to fix things. with everyone who i had hurt. I want us Three back. and I myself am full of regret. And I hate saying that I am full of regret because I always told myself that I will live life without regret. But truth is. I regret everything. I regret the words. I regret the jealousy. (yes i will forever be jealous of you) I regret the lies, the promises and the betrayal. I figure, thats just what happens in high school. But it shouldn't. The things i've done. shouldn't have ever been done to anyone. because no best friend deserves that kind of treatment. Not a day goes by that i don't think about it. 


I hate this fading. And this nonexistent relationship. I hate not having you to claim as my best. 
Its like a falling out. but worse. It's like not breathing but worse.


... It's like when you're looking for something but you forgot where it is. and what it was that you were looking for... because thats just bad.


     The thing is. I hope you hate me. And tell everybody how horrible of a friend i was to you. because nobody deserves the way i treated you. I hope you never want to be that close with me again. yet i hope we can be just as close but closer. (as if it would build our bones stronger and make us more... idk) I don't know where i am going with this. It all comes down to... I miss you. miss you. miss you. 
I feel like i broke your heart. and tore you to pieces. I feel like its my fault because i kept telling you that you needed someone, like i have someone. and then you ended up in a fickle. with boys. and toys. and things. am i a bad influence? i know i am. 
enough about me... because I'm not the one who needs sympathy.


Junior year could have been better for us my dear. 




Deep down inside i hope we can make up for it senior year. 
or maybe i feel like i hope i can make it up for you. 
because i owe you. 
i owe you... well... more than i can say. 
And i still cry. because i tore us apart.


Reborn and regretful,


     An Ex-best




ps. The black tight ones, you wore for cheer.

"because i love you"

I remember that day in bed when my ear was pressed against his chest; his heart beat was beating loudly in that perfect body of his and his vibrating voice echoed through. I could feel it too. I counted that he had 23 birthmarks on his stomach, tracing them with the tip of my fingers. We talked for a long time in that position, talked about life, music, love, our love, him, me, us, everything.

We noticed that the sun had gone down and decided to grab something to eat. We raided the fridge, eating with our fingers in our underwear on the kitchen floor. He started playing on his acoustic guitar, his eyes shut, making that silly face. But suddenly, he stopped.

He looked up, smiled at me and bent over to kiss me. I giggled. Then he let go of the guitar to sit closer to me so he could hug me. I asked him why he got so lovey dovey all of a sudden. He replied with another kiss and said because he loved me. I loved him too, very much, and I told him that.

We stared into each others' eyes for a long time and I could feel the tears building up behind mine.

‘’You’ve never seen me cry have you?’’ I asked.

‘’No, and I hope that I never will.’’ He replied back with a serious voice.

But he did.

The salty water just came pouring down my face while he, confused, tried to wipe them away with his thumbs and kisses.

‘’Why are you crying?’’ He asked, almost crying himself.

‘’Because I love you.’’ I hated how desperate I sounded.

‘’But why are you crying then?’’

I didn’t know how to tell him. Tell him that he was the only boy in the world that could make me feel so happy and sad at the same time, tell him how lost I feel when he’s not around, how jealous I get when I’m with him that I swear I could hurt somebody. Tell him that I’m so in love with him and the love we shared, so happy that he was the one I woke up to everyday, even though he snores fucking loud sometime. Tell him that when he talks my whole body shivers, how when he kisses me I forget to breath sometimes, how I feel like a little girl when he puts my hair behind my ears, even though I hate how I look with my hair like that. I didn’t know how to tell him that I didn’t understand why he loved me. So I simply replied:
‘’Because I love you.’’ 

-LL

Dear Friend,

For now you shall remain nameless.

Dear Friend-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless,

     I thought of you. Yes. I still think of you. I think of the one time we got high, and laughed our asses off for an hour. I think of when we were young and curious. We still are. more or less. We've learned our mistakes. Grown apart, sewn together. We've seen so much, but know so little of risk. My dearest of all dear friends, You have given sunshine and planted it in my heart where it shall remain forever deep. Your laughter has been forever with me. I still look for you. In the halls, in parking lots, at stoplights. It's been too long friend. But the time we spent together is timeless. You are timeless. Unforgettable. You are Inspiring. You have given me something no one else has to offer. and that is, a friend ship. A friendship to look back on and say, "Shit, those were the best of days." The days when I was Foolish, and thrived for adventure and stupidity and adrenaline all at once.
     Oh, the things I wish to tell you. All my secrets, and all my heartaches. All the new memories I've held within my heart. How I wish to tell you those things that shall remain unsaid. The things I long to hear from you. I want to hear about your life! How is your new school? How is your new life?

Do you think of me? I wonder. Do you miss me, like I miss you? This I'm not sure if I will ever know.
It's the littlest things, like posting a blog, or seeing your face, that brings me hope for you.

      I have hope for you, dear friend. and I think of you so often. I read back upon our letters, You wished so deeply for him. You crushed so much for him. You are so happy. :) You were sad. :( You are angry. >:(
Well now you're not here. In my life anymore. Hopefully she's a better friend than I ever was. I hope you are happy. Because you deserve it old friend. I always told you this, You deserve better than the best. Still do. Always will.

I Love You, old friend.

I Love you Friend-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless.

Sincerely,

Your ex-best.

PS. I still have your shorts, do you want them back?

The Longer I Run

My love, I have no reason to be unhappy.
What is the point?
We all die. But not all of us live.

So live while you have life.
Smile.
And Laugh.
And Love.
While your cheeks are still full of color.
While your knees can support you.
While your hands can still hold tight to his.

Learn.
Learn so you don't forget.
Learn so you can know.
Learn for the fun of it.

Stretch.
While your bones are strong.
To stay strong.
To keep your heart lively.

Wear chap stick.
You know why.

Just be happy.
Why not?

Scrub Away The Color

Born This Way- Lady Gaga

When I was young I never thought myself different from other people. 

I never looked at the color of my skin and the color of theirs and was intimidated by that. I never looked at others like they were different from me, we were all the same in my eyes. I never looked at my teachers and doctors like they were higher up than me.

Once in elementary school. a kid Hit Me. My sister saw this act and asked this kid why  he hit me. He looked at her and told her straight up."She is Different." My sister threatened him telling him that I was like everyone else. and that if he dare hit me again she would go ape shit. She didn't say that exactly. but something along the lines of, "I am going to beat yo' ass up if I hear of this again."

I was a creative minded child. and  wondered if I could scrub away this color and look normal like the rest of my family. And as a kid, my mom had always told me it wouldn't be so easy for me. and that people would look at me like there was something wrong with me. and some people would hate me. I always wondered who would hate me because I have done nothing wrong.

As a kid this scared me...

but I am no longer afraid.

"Nigger Lovers." 

they called my friends. 

And let me tell you all something, 

you can call me a nigger, 

you can call me different, 

you can stare at me because the color of my face is different from the color of yours. 

You can say what you want and think what you want. But I am no different than any other person. 

Filipino. I am. 

Afraid. I am not. 

I will hit you in the face. remember that. 

Racial Discrimination must stop. 

We are Human Beings. 

We are not animals. 

I have skin like many do. just cooked alittle extra. 

I have brown eyes. Like many do. Just alittle more black.

I have hands. like many do too. just alittle tan on one side more than the other

I don't call you all white crackers.

I love white people. 

I don't care if you are white, black, yellow or Pacific Islander. 

When I am sick. I am tan. 

When I am angry. I am tan. 

When I am cold. I am tan.

When I am dead. I am tan.

But you?

When you are sick? You are green.

When you are angry? You are red.

When you are cold? You are blue.

When you are dead? You are purple.

Think about the colors you are. 

before you even have a slight thought of how I am Different. 

I am Different. & I am Proud.

BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY.

1

I Carry Your Heart With Me

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in

my heart) I am never without it (anywhere

I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet ) I want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

E. E. Cummings

To my Adam <3

smile.

8

9

10

11

The countdown begins. 

suddenly.

Pour Me Out.

Remember when we were kids? When our outfits weren't color coordinated, but our socks matched thanks to mom. We played games like climbing all over the furniture pretending the ground was lava. I remember I played the Lava Game and pretended my dog was a lava dog and ran away. Me and my sister would play Cowboys and Indians. She would tie me up (of course I was the indian) but those were the days. Now we look at ourselves and we look back and we may just laugh at ourselves, and how we dressed, or acted. We just look but we never come to realize that we were carefree, and lucky. Lucky because we didn't care if we offended people. (and they didn't care if we offended them, they just laughed thinking we were cute little brats.)Carefree, we didn't know about sickness unless it was a sniffly nose, we were unaware of death and drugs and sex. In fact, we acted as if hyped up on drugs. Running around the house bare-ass naked. Building little tents in our living rooms. Banging on pots and pans. We were cunning and intelligent. We built the best tents in town out of a few blankets and a broom.

But were weren't brave all the time. I know I became scared often. I hid my face under the blankets late within the night. Thinking that whatever monster or boogie man were creeping on me that night could never get to me under neath my sheets. Some nights so scared I would crawl in bed with my parents right between them. and fall asleep. Even as we grow older, the things that frighten us change into something bigger. Afraid to die, Afraid to grow old, Afraid of change, Afraid of strangers, Afraid to be yourself. Because if you show your true face you're afraid people will judge you.

Friends didn't betray us. We didn't betray friends. Most often than not, our best friend was Henry the imaginary friend. Or Ted the teddy bear. But Friends merely fought over a simple toy. Now we fight over teenage boys. Or who spread what rumor. Arguments as a teen is probably even more immature than arguments as kids. But we didn't know that then. And we don't know it now.

When it rained we grabbed our umbrellas, even though we jumped in puddles and got ourselves soaked. Boys were and entire different species. (still are) but we still married them underneath the monkey bars. Pink was just the color we wore. but our favorite color changed daily. We danced to our own beat.

We were kids.

just kids.

The Storm, The Thunder

The storm crashed through leaving the trees with out any leaves. Leaving the trees barren and grey. As the storm, with all of it's might, thrashed about like a child throwing a tantrum, Here she stood among the snow and the fallen trees. Her body calm and serene as though the storm were nearly a few rain dropping clouds. She trudged through the snow covered trees. As a storm comes it only passes by leaving waves of destruction. But a storm dies sometime. as people do. A storm passes on into a slight wind in the green of trees somewhere else in a far away city. And she keeps walking choosing whichever path she decides to tread. She sails the ocean through waves of pain, and waves that flood her eyes and spill over. She keeps going. even when the tornado rips through and leaves her alone. Few walk with her and keep her company. Few have been with her all along. And the very few, that anchor her heart and make her sun shine. she knows that where ever she is supposed to be, she'll get there. She shines brighter than anyone. And most of all... she made it out alive... I made it out alive.

Valentines day :)

I love him.

surreal.

Dream of blue skies for me tonight.

Dream the sun sneaks in it's light.

Disco ball the moon and stars.

Pray you don't fall too far.

Truth Or Dare

Pack it up.

Morning.

How did you sleep my love?

Actually. I can.

I'm not the girl you thought I was. I'm Stronger.

$

The Plan

What exactly is "Your Plan?" You know that question every one asks you? "What are you gonna be when you grow up?" Well you practically are grown up. Just a couple more years and you'll be an adult. And then some and you can go out in town with your girls, (Or boys) and get wasted. But thats not the point. What are you going to do with your life? I know what I want to be. It took some time to figure it out. But what about you?

You're a freshman, You have a few ideas in mind, but you think you have a few years to spare until you really have to decide. You don't really think about it, even though many of the teachers are pounding it in your head to start thinking about your future and college and careers and degrees. Whatever that means. But seriously, you have big choices to make. Especially colleges. Where to go, what to major in, etc etc etc.

Sophomore year. Time is flying faster and faster. You are still thinking about it every day. "What am I going to do?" You lay out your options:

Become a vet. like you always have wanted.

Become famous over Youtube

Move to Hollywood and play at all the local bars for the rest of your life.

Be the first to live on the moon.

Be a secret agent. with multiple secret identities.

Live at moms playing Halo till you figure out what to do.

Vampire Slayer. A classic.

We all consider the options. So many to choose from. Time is running out.

Junior Year. You realize all this talk of Senior project. All the pointless notecards. All the Essays, and how serious this is getting. Like a serious relationship, You really start to think about the future.

Senior year. You better figure it out. Or wing it. But I wouldn't suggest wingin' it... even though I just did...

But what are you going to do?

Seriously.

What are you going to do?

Even though i don't show it sometimes.

this.

Words aren't enough for me.

we♥it

Honestly. What do you expect me to tell you?

That I Love you? Cos I do. but it's something way more powerful than that.

It's like the movie Transformers. Where a simple cell phone turns into a creature than can destroy this world.

But seriously.

I'm at a loss for words when it comes to loving you

Give up?

We all approach the edge, feeling the wind. Looking down at our future. Feeling the end. wanting the jump but hating the fall. I can't tell you not to jump. I can't make up your mind. I can't do anything to change the hurt you feel. I can't put a band-aid on it and kiss it to make it better. but I can tell you that you are not alone. You don't have to deal with this by yourself. You can stand there in silence thinking you deserve this pain, but you don't. Don't let people play games with you. You play the games. Because you are the boss. You are strong. You made it this far.

They can judge and hate. But don't let that bring you down, because they are being judged and hated too. No one can be pleased anymore anyways. You eat. you're fat. You don't eat. You're a freak. You drink. you're an alcoholic. You don't drink. You're a pussy. You read you're a nerd. You don't read. You are stupid. You tell a secret. You seek attention. You don't tell a secret. You still seek attention. You let someone in. you are easy. you don't let someone in. You are too uptight. You smoke, you think you're cool. You don't smoke, you are a loser. you've had sex. you're a slut. you haven't had sex, you are a frigid little bitch. You wear makeup, you are a slag. You don't wear makeup. you are ugly. You can't please everyone. Ever. And thats how the game goes. don't give up on yourself. don't darling.

Don't hide the tears. Be honest.

Are you really happy?

i guarantee someone somewhere will ask you what you want them to ask:

Are you okay?

and they will speak the words you wish to hear:

I'm here for you.

and I am. I'm here.

so now i'm asking:

are you okay?

hot.

Es muy caliente en la cama.

That is what went on during spanish class today.

20 minutes of pure espanol. but I think everyone cheated and talked regular english for the most part. I mean come on, It's America. 1st language: English. don't be a little skank and say, "oh but there are many races in.." No. Shut up. I'm not being racist, cos I'm mexican, but I'm not gonna learn a language that i probably won't ever use.

anyways.

I'm writing new music. which will be out sometime in february. I'll let you know.

aight.

I'm out.

-L

Goodbye.

The tide washes up. and away. and away.

The Sun comes to light up day. bright day.

The tide washes it away. all away.

You were my sun in the light of day.

you are my day.

Since last I wrote, It was 2010.

Since last I wrote, I lost a friend.

Since last I wrote, I hit rock bottom.

Since last I wrote, I was brought back to life.

Since last I wrote, I made a new family.

Since last I wrote.

I was a different person.

Last year I hit rock bottom. and flew sky high.

Last year I was the nicest bitch.

Last year.

I wasn't me.

I wasn't me at all.

We gotta fall. And hit the ground. And feel that pain. And realize our mistakes. And come clean. And pick ourselves up. And brush ourselves off. And build ourselves up. And feel alive again.

And breath again.

now it's my turn to break down my wall.

I will fall. And hit the ground. And feel that pain. And realize my mistake. And come clean. And pick myself up. And brush myself off. And build myself up. And feel alive. and breath.

I am just a basket case without you.